Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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