I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
