U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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