Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
