i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
now i know why i became what i already was.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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