summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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