I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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