just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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