Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
it hurts more in the daytime
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
