We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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