So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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