She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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