Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
