I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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