So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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