Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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