Moan for me like Helen Keller
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
