i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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