guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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