I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
