I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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