dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize