I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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