Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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