My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
