hell yes lets make some ravioli
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
