I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I need water and some morals
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
