don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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