I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
