I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it's like iHOP with fire
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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