dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
