Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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