I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
