Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
