Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
