Your mouth is God's brothel.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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