I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize