She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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