...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
