Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
