You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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