i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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