Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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