I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
