I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
