There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
