I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
