Sponge bath it is.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I want to fling myself into the sun
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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