somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
