evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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