why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
