Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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