I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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