I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
