Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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