What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
