Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
