so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
