id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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