I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we made out on top of his cat.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
