I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
