The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize