Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Randomize
