I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
