Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Come on in and take your pants off
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