mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
