also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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